


give me your tired, your poor, your incomplete drabbles from google docs

by sheepsleet



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: M/M, a complete garbage fire, basically this is domestic schmoop, do you want crack because i got your crack, it's just bad choices at this point, like not even the sexy kind, only kind of not, questionable bagel eating, so i tend to write yuuri like i write myself, who needs an adult despite being an adult
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-25
Updated: 2018-05-24
Packaged: 2019-05-13 12:48:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14749160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sheepsleet/pseuds/sheepsleet
Summary: This is posted as a late belated birthday gift from myself to you because I'm like a hobbit in that I want to give back instead of receive. So huzzah I give you the gift of complete and utter crack.





	give me your tired, your poor, your incomplete drabbles from google docs

**Author's Note:**

> So sometimes I go through google docs and find some really well written stuff that I compleeeetely forgot I wrote! Which means that I'm unlikely, if ever, to finish it! But hey, I also go, "You know, this is too well-written to NOT share. This made me laugh!" so you guys get to reap the benefits! Whoo!

Yuuri wakes up slowly in his and Victor’s bed. He’s alone, but that’s alright. He’s swaddled himself in a blanket burrito sometime in his sleep. Victor, he knows with the certainty of ten year’s experience from having lived with his childhood obsession for just as long, is already up and about. He might have walked the dogs already; maybe he was nose-deep in his latest read of the week or even sipping coffee in the warm morning light.

Coffee.

Something in Yuuri’s brain pings.

Bitter, aromatic, dulled by copious amounts of the most sugary creamer he could find and coupled with his Vitya’s gentle teasing. The excitable hum as caffeine wakes his lifeblood and helps boot up his brain like he’s running Windows XP. It’s enough to drive him from the warmth of his cocoon.

He intends to revel in eating anything he even vaguely wanted in his twenties but had to cut to fit his diet plan. Maybe that lone bagel he spied in the fridge a week ago is still there. Vitya rarely eats them, mostly just puts his finger through the hole and looks suggestively to Yuuri.

Yuuri would feel ashamed that that works, but he’s fully aware that Vitya would crawl to him on his knees if Yuuri bared his ankle like a sexually repressed Victorian English(wo)man. Phichit once got him tipsy enough to start spilling his sex life and very quickly stopped him with a disbelieving, “Wait, he literally got hard when you did the chicken dance naked?” Vitya had been passing by at the time and waggled his eyebrows at the two before he went to the fridge and started drinking milk out of the carton like a savage.

When he stumbles out of their room, Yuuri notices a distinct Vitya-shaped lack on the sofa and in the kitchen. He must be walking the dogs then. Or he’s hiding. He has some sort of weird obsession with being found in very strange places.

The coffee maker, unfortunately, does not have any coffee pre-made for Yuuri. His brain processes this for a good ten seconds before he reboots and starts loading the grounds into the filter. Muscle memory takes over and fills the water and flips the switch, leaving him curious as to when he ended up staring blankly in front of the fridge.

The bagel, thankfully, is right where Yuuri last saw it. He even spies cream cheese, which he’s less certain about but will definitely eat anyway. Yurio probably left the bagel and cream cheese, honestly, but he’s technically an adult and can feed himself even if he mooches off of them most of the week. Yuuri will gleefully eat the spoils.

He really hopes it isn’t spoiled cream cheese. Yurio is gruff 98% of the time but he wouldn’t purposefully leave spoiled cream cheese for Yuuri to eat...will he? And Yuuri knows he can’t even talk to Vitya about this because Vitya would go, “Well, my dearest heart, light of my life, I cannot dare allow you to eat anything questionable. Perchance I shall find caviar somewhere up my ass and we shall dine like fancy Olympian kings.”

Well, maybe not those words exactly, but sometimes Yuuri just wants to eat trash garbage to match his trash garbage personality. Plus, caviar on bagels...he isn’t so sure about that. Also Vitya would just about have a coronary.

The door slams open. Yuuri literally takes a pre-emptive bite of the cream cheese. He has no clue why he’s an adult or why anyone allows him to do anything. All he can taste is cream cheese.

“YUURI! WHO LET YURIO DO ANYTHING AS A TEENAGER?! DID YOU THINK ABOUT HIS EXHIBITION SKATE IN HIS FIRST GRAND PRI--did you just take a bite out of that block of cream cheese?”

Yuuri, cream cheese still in his mouth, lets out a garbled answer. The bagels pops out of the toaster. He has no clue if the coffee alarm went off to tell him coffee was ready.

“Yuuri, dearest heart, put down the cream cheese,” Vitya says like he’s approaching a skittish animal.

Out of sheer contrariness, Yuuri takes another bite of cream cheese. He just really, really regrets his life. Vitya winces. Yuuri blindly reaches for the toaster and grabs one half of the bagel and bites into it like some sort of weird gremlin who’s never seen a bagel before in his life.

How is this even his life?


End file.
